LOTHA

Prologue

One day, at my lowest point in every sense, a dear friend told me, “Suffering is a choice.” I responded, “Sorry, I don’t get it,” and we went on to have a deeply enriching intellectual discussion. But in the end, it didn’t ease my pain.
At first, I flat-out rejected the idea. “That’s nonsense everyone suffers, it’s just how life is, it’s normal, it’s the essence of the human condition.” But in the days following our conversation, his words (though I disagreed) must have echoed so deeply in my subconscious that, after a restful night’s sleep, I woke up thinking, “If we’re conditioned to suffer, then we can condition ourselves to be happy. If it’s conditionable, it’s programmable. Pleasure or pain… what if there’s some truth to it?”
What if, indeed, suffering is a choice?
To tackle this topic, I’ll use Plato’s dialectic: I propose (thesis), oppose (antithesis), and compose (synthesis). Enjoy the read.

Introduction

What does it mean to “choose” suffering? Are we truly capable of deciding whether to suffer or not? Is this idea a myth, or does it hold some truth? Can we explore this question without slipping into dogmatism or complacency? Are we genuinely free, or is everything deterministic in this context?

Thesis

This idea isn’t just found in spiritual quotes. It’s also supported by certain psychological, behavioral, and cognitive approaches.
Behavioral sciences remind us that humans act based on learned patterns stimulus-response loops reinforced by experience. If a painful event is followed by temporary relief (attention, compassion, or comforting withdrawal), the brain may learn that suffering equals reward. It’s not conscious or malicious; it’s simply conditioning.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) offers another perspective:
“The map is not the territory.”
What I feel isn’t raw reality but a subjective construction of it. My internal representations -mental images, words, emotions- shape my experience, including my suffering. Changing how I narrate an event my words, anchors, or inner imagery could alter my relationship with pain.

Cognitive sciences suggest that our thoughts heavily influence our internal states. Beck’s “cognitive triad” (I’m worthless / the world is dangerous / nothing will change) illustrates how entrenched beliefs can fuel anxiety or depression. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) shows that deliberately modifying thoughts or behaviors can reduce psychological suffering.

But here’s the catch: willpower.
We often assume that if suffering is a choice, it’s as simple as “deciding” not to suffer. But willpower isn’t a light switch. It’s fluctuating, fragile, and conditioned by the body’s state, hormones, sleep, memories, and wounds. Willpower isn’t a neutral tool it’s a psychic function dependent on our resource state.

In other words:
It’s easier to choose not to suffer when you’re already feeling somewhat okay when your mind is clear, your body calm, and your nervous system regulated. But in chaos, in the heart of distress, willpower retreats. It doesn’t vanish, but it freezes, withdraws, or falls silent.

So yes, from this angle, suffering seems partially modulable not on command, but with training, awareness, and patience. This suggests there’s some room to maneuver.
This gives new meaning to “suffering is a choice”: not a blunt, immediate, voluntary choice, but a choice to remain,or not, in certain mental patterns when conditions allow.
Perhaps, in some cases, we don’t suffer out of obligation but out of habit. The real power lies in this realization:
“If my suffering is partly a construction, maybe I can dismantle some of its walls.”

But…
This “maybe” only holds if I have stable ground to stand on, which isn’t always the case. That’s where the limits arise.
In absolute terms, no, suffering isn’t a choice. It’s more a reflection of our internal patterns. What we choose isn’t the capacity to suffer but whether it becomes a brake or a catalyst.
Suffering is like a river we don’t always choose to cross, but we can decide whether it sweeps us away or propels us to grow.

Antithesis

With or without psychological patterns, it’s hard to deny some form of psychological determinism in the human condition. Our mental frameworks, limiting beliefs, and unconscious conditioning often shape our reactions and emotions without our full awareness or control. Emotions like fear, shame, guilt, or physical pain can paralyze us, making the choice not to suffer impossible in the moment.

Take Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Do we choose to relive the experience before sleep? To replay the sounds, images, or smells? Do we choose the associated emotions? Do we control the physiological reactions (racing heart, sweating, breathing issues, dizziness, …) that come with it?

And what about free will?
Even if we have some room to maneuver, it’s limited by our emotional state, mental health, social environment, and external circumstances. Willpower fluctuates with our energy, sleep, and personal history. Sometimes, suffering is imposed by events beyond our control (illness, loss, trauma) making the possibility of choice impossible.

You don’t wake up one morning saying, “What a wonderful day ! I choose not to suffer!” You might try, but you’re quickly confronted with the harsh reality that if your perceptions are skewed by wounds and traumas, your reactions objectively reflect measurable suffering that’s hard, if not impossible, to dismiss with a flick of willpower.

Yes, we can choose how to approach suffering, but we can’t always prevent it from showing up.

From a neurological and psychological perspective, suffering is also an automatic response, a survival reflex, a warning signal. It’s not always conscious or voluntary. The brain can be programmed to repeat painful patterns out of habit or fear of change.

The brain is both friend and foe. It causes some suffering but also ensures our survival. It’s programmed to avoid immediate pain but can perpetuate long-term suffering through habit, safety, or fear of change. The reptilian brain doesn’t aim to make us happy -it aims to keep us alive. To it, novelty is a threat, change a danger, and stress triggers maximum alert. This creates vicious cycles: we repeat painful patterns not because they suit us but because they’re familiar, predictable, and bearable.

As long as the primitive brain is in charge, suffering becomes an automatic regulation mode. Only by fostering dialogue between our brain’s parts instinct, emotion and reason can true (though not absolute) choice emerge.

Synthesis

In summary, suffering isn’t a simple choice but a complex phenomenon influenced by internal and external factors that often limit our freedom to decide. This doesn’t mean we lack free will or are doomed to suffer, but the path to inner freedom requires time, awareness, and gradual work.

References

• B.F. Skinner – Science and Human Behavior (1953)
• Albert Bandura – Social Learning Theory (1977)
• Richard Bandler & John Grinder – The Structure of Magic I & II (1975-1976)
• Robert Dilts – Changing Belief Systems with NLP (1990)
• Aaron T. Beck – Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders (1976)
• Judith Beck – Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2011)
• Lisa Feldman Barrett – How Emotions Are Made (2017)
• Roy F. Baumeister – Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength (2011)
• Daniel Kahneman – Thinking, Fast and Slow (2011)