LOTHA

What Is It?

The wound of abandonment, as the name suggests, stems from feeling abandoned. What matters isn’t the external circumstances or people involved, but what’s happening within the individual: a sense of abandonment, isolation, and loneliness.
Every human being needs to belong to a community, to be surrounded socially and humanly. This is natural and perfectly normal.

Where Does It Come From?

This wound typically emerges in early childhood. The greatest fear for a young child (ages 2 to 5) is abandonment. It doesn’t require physical departure or overt rejection -emotional absence, lack of emotional availability, or even a “present but absent” presence (being physically there but not truly present) can be enough to create this imprint. The child doesn’t experience their need for connection, and this is where a crack begins to form: an inner void that constantly seeks to be filled through others.

In adolescence or adulthood, if unresolved, this wound acts as a filter for social and relational experiences, distorting expectations and fostering the illusion that external validation is necessary to feel whole. The more unconscious it is, the more it shapes our attachment patterns and dependencies.
Less obviously, someone with this wound may stay in relationships that drain their energy, push them in directions they know deep down aren’t right, or even keep them in unhealthy or dangerous relationships (those that threaten their mental, physical, psychic, emotional, or psychological integrity). This happens because their need for security and “emotional nourishment” outweighs everything else.

The wound hides in the need to please at all costs, the fear of saying no, or the anxiety of being alone, even for a few hours. The lack of belonging feels like an existential threat to the ego, leading the individual to prefer toxic presence over healthy solitude they don’t yet recognize as beneficial.
Feelings like “I need you,” “without you, I’m nothing,” “what will become of me?” or “why am I like this?” can quickly lead to guilt -being deeply harsh on oneself for “choosing” to suffer in these relationships. A part of you knows you’re betraying yourself, and this inner betrayal creates a conflict: the part that knows you deserve better versus the part terrified of losing everything if you leave.

The goal of transmutation here is to break free from these energetic ties and, above all, to find yourself again after being lost in the mirror of others.

Why Is It There?

Like all wounds, its purpose is to signal to your various bodies (mental, emotional, energetic, magnetic) that something is harming your well-being and integrity. Specifically, with abandonment, the fear of losing another is actually the fear of losing yourself by moving away from them.
It’s the fear that if they leave or you end the relationship, a part of you will vanish with them. This happens because you’ve unconsciously projected a vital role onto them: to make you exist, feel secure, and validated. Dependency sets in. You cling not to the person but to what they symbolize for your wounded system -feeling safe with yourself through them.

This wound reflects internal memories that equate solitude with danger and connection with survival. Your energetic body records these as tensions, leaks, and blockages. Until they become conscious, they continue to guide your relational and emotional choices without your full awareness.
For example: I’m a woman who grew up with an emotionally absent father. Unconsciously, I choose a man who resembles him -emotionally unavailable, because my (flawed, unaware) system feels safe in that dynamic.

What Is Its Power?

Every relationship involves an energy exchange. What we give to others must return to us to reclaim our sovereignty.
This is where the wound of abandonment is precious: it has the power to shine a light on internal cracks and dissonances through… the ego. By learning to observe ourselves without judgment, we gain insights that lead to a key realization: all suffering comes from the ego. “If I’m suffering, it’s my ego speaking. What is it trying to tell me? How will this help me grow?”

The goal isn’t to instantly cut ties with these people, situations, or circumstances, but to reach a state of absolute detachment where you fully integrate that your worth lies not in your presence for others but within you.
You know this wound is taking hold in your heart and soul when your decision-making is swayed by the love you think others feel for you. In most cases, it’s not reciprocal. You lose yourself by loving others as you wish to be loved, rather than loving them for who they truly are.

How Is It Our Teacher?

This imprint teaches us profound lessons about ourselves:

• Letting go: Rising above instead of sinking into the relationship.
• Listening to your heart: It knows and never lies.
• Understanding we’re worthy of love for who we are, not for what others think we are.
• Being authentic: When we are, we no longer fear abandonment because we’re connected to our true self.
• Being fair to ourselves so we can be fair to others.
• Being firm, consistent, and congruent in our actions.

Why Transmute It?

When we transmute it, we realize:

• Our actions reflect our desires and will, not others’.
• Our behavior is no longer swayed by the external world.
• Our inner freedom grows without harming others.
• Our personal, emotional, psychological, and energetic integrity is preserved.
• Our auric field expands and begins developing self-protection mechanisms.

How to Transmute It?

Here are some approaches -choose what resonates with you. The key is that your intention and the quality of energy you bring to this process are pure: no revenge, no harm to others, and doing it for yourself.

• Cultivate self-love: Every morning and/or evening, take a moment for yourself and make it a ritual. Whatever activity you choose, ensure it’s your choice and nourishes your energy (e.g., taking a bath with a glass of wine, reading, listening to music and dancing, self-care). This is YOUR moment and is vital for strengthening your inner grounding.
• Meditate: Close your eyes, focus on your breath and your heartbeat.
• Write “I love you” on a piece of paper, sign it, and display it somewhere you see daily.
• Work with the root chakra: It’s tied to security; releasing its blockages is key (elaborate here).
• Engage in creative activities: Sports, drawing, painting, writing, pottery, etc.
• Learn to love yourself.
• Proclaim in front of a mirror daily for 11 days:
  “I am the love of my life: I am loved, blessed, protected, and above all, worthy of receiving all that I embody. I am Eternal Love.”

Lotha