LOTHA

The First Step

One evening, when I was at my lowest, I decided to face my fears instead of running from them. I was tired of trying to escape because, in truth, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape myself.
There were seasons in my life when I was my own best friend, and others when all I could think about was giving up.
Fear is just a signal, after all -a call to act immediately. At that moment, I decided not to let it hold me back or condemn me.
I refused to abandon myself. And that choice was radical.

That night, I meditated for a long time.
I was given an exercise to do. I stayed in a hypnagogic state to carry it out and document the process and answers.
This exercise helped me realize it wasn’t about the “why” or “how” that would fix everything. It was simply about facing my fears head-on.
I integrated what each fear was signaling, what it triggered in me, and, most importantly, what I was ready to let go of to move forward.
I understood that every fear was an invitation to grow, a message from my unconscious guiding me toward freedom.

And you -what are you still running from today, when the only way out is to face it?

What Happens?

I started by identifying my fears… not like flipping through a dictionary, but by letting them come to me.
I ended up with the fear of abandonment, rejection, humiliation, betrayal, injustice, and… the unknown.

Deconstructing to Rebuild

For each fear, I followed three steps:

• What is it signaling to me?
• What does it trigger in me?
• What am I ready to let go of?

It was tough -really tough. The hardest part was looking at myself without lying, shaking myself up, and not giving up. I had to maintain both the state where my unconscious spoke to me -translating the vibration and symbols -and an attitude of openness and acceptance toward what I thought was impossible to face.
I knew if I didn’t hold on with the little strength I had left, my brain would convince me I wasn’t worth it and that I was right to feel that way!
So I held firm, wrote it out, wiped away the mascara, and reclaimed a bit more energy.

Turning Lead into Gold

The Lead in Question

Unworthy, undignified, useless, worthless, nothing, unlovable, not enough, a failure.
Inferior, weak, not up to par, unworthy, reduced to nothing.
Useless, ugly, weak, stupid, dumb.
I deserved it, I must have done something wrong, I’m guilty, responsible.
I prefer the safety of familiar things.
I’m stupid for not seeing it coming.
I deserve to be mistreated.
My trust has no value.
I’m not made for human relationships.
People enter my life for their own gain.
It’s my fault if they take advantage of me.

What It Triggered in Me

Pain, grief, chronic sadness, unease, tears, labored breathing.
Rage, anger, tears, a desire for revenge, an urge to hurt others.
(Source: being treated like garbage when you know you’re not.)
Feeling “unintegratable,” not good enough to belong.
Despair, helplessness, the sense of being a failure in others’ eyes.
Tears, heaviness in my eyes, disgust, nausea.
Shame, guilt, anger, stress, anxiety.
Fear of failure tied to a lack of knowledge, skills, or connections.
Anger, hatred, confusion.

What I Decided to Let Go Of

My pain.
Feelings of uselessness, inferiority, unworthiness.
The desire for revenge.
The urge to hurt others.
Anger (though it’s hard).
The idea that rejection defines my worth.
The need to please at all costs.
Guilt, shame, anger, stress.
The belief that I’m responsible.
The desire to hurt, to seek revenge.
The weight of others’ gazes.
The need to control everything, to over-prepare.
Perfectionism, attachment to outcomes.
Obsession with details, with flaws.
The belief that their betrayal defines me.
The guilt over their behavior.

The Gold in Question

“The actions of others are shaped by their own conditioning—you’re not responsible for that.”
“You are responsible for your emotional engagement.”
“I accept it, and my heart remains open.”
“The rejection of others doesn’t define my worth.”
“I am authentic, whether people like it or not.”
“It’s not your fault!!!”
“I deserve respect. I am worthy.”
“It’s perfect and enough.”
“I regain hope in divine justice.”
“I know everything happens for a reason, and the Universe is on my side.”
“I smile at life <3”
“The fact that people betrayed me is just a reflection of their own beliefs and values.”
“I’m not responsible for their behavior, but I am responsible for what I choose to do with it.”

Final Word

Freeing your fears means choosing not to be a prisoner of past wounds. It’s allowing yourself to live fully, with courage and authenticity. Today, I invite you to take that first step: face your heaviest fear, embrace it, and decide what you’re ready to let go of. That’s where your true transformation begins.

Lotha